Well that’s it. I just put a preschooler to bed for the very last time. As of tomorrow morning I officially have no stay-at-home children and therefore am a fully fledged school mum. Wow – where did the time go? In May it will be ten years since I waddled away from my job at 36 weeks pregnant and embarked on the journey of motherhood. – TEN YEARS!
I can’t decide if I’m ready or not (Little Pink on the other hand is 100 percent ready) . I’m a swirl of emotions and think I actually need to grieve the passing of this phase of my life. But I’m also ready. Ready to me more of my own person and claim back some of my life. It’s such a surreal place to be right now.
I’m excited but also challenged by what lays ahead for me. I plan on returning to work – but will I be able to find a job? It’s been a long time. I’ve only worked outside of our home for one year out of the past ten. I feel like I’m stretching the friendship with all of my referees and, despite never having had trouble securing work in the past, am really doubting what I have to offer. Will my skills still stand up? Has the work place changed while I’ve been away raising my babies? Oh lordy I’m full of apprehension.
Being a stay at home mum has been the fulfillment of my dreams. It’s what I always wanted to do –but now I’ve done it and ready or not it’s time to move on. Over the past ten-years I’ve learned so much about myself and about life. I would be lying through my teeth if I told you it was always easy. So not. Living through sleep deprivation and the relentlessness of life with little people is hard hard work – but it’s also something I know I will never never regret. Not even those moments when I was literally slapping myself in the face with frustration as a little baby girl refused to sleep for night after night.
But what now for me? My plan has always been to just sit back and relax for the first month of having all three babies at school. (Yes I started planning that years ago.) But now I’m almost there I feel so nervous and simply cannot stop myself looking for what comes next. I keep calling myself back to the present and reminding myself that I should only be worried about today. So tomorrow I will take my three babies to school and for the first time leave them all there. And the rest, well in the words of Scarlet O’Hara “I’ll think about that tomorrow”