Since having kids I’ve found my faith confusing. I’ve never let go – not totally. But I’ve struggled with my understanding and interpretation of how faith, the church and my life should all operate together. I got bored and frustrated with religion. I’m uncomfortable with the way it’s used to spread hatred and I don’t like doing things just because it’s what I’ve always done in the past – unless it’s working for me of course. As most of you would know when you have a busy family life (especially with babies and young kids) those things that lack true meaning and fulfilment in your life seem to fall away. I still prayed. I still sort out God when I needed to have someone stronger than me to help me through the day – probably more in the “GOD, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE” type of way than it should have been. But I lost the ability to move through the motions of my Christian walk day to day – because to be honest it wasn’t adding all that much depth or meaning to my super-crazy life in the mummyhood.
That’s a sad thing to admit to – but it’s the truth. Now, as my kids are growing up, I’m at a point where I’m rediscovering my faith and what it means to me. And here are some things I know already. If it can’t be real and part of my everyday life _ I’m not interested in it. If it doesn’t change my life for the better and give me meaning and understanding – I’m not interested in it. If it doesn’t allow for me to love people – regardless of their religion, race, colour or beliefs – then I’m not interested in it.
So what am I interested in? Faith should help you live a better, clearer, more upbeat and content life. It should help you deal with the confusion, fear and doubt that some days attack all of us. (Note I say deal with and not end it – there will always be confusion, fear and doubt – it’s part of life.) Faith should bring hope. And hope is the springboard you need to have contentment and peace in your life. If my faith doesn’t lead me to these things – then you guessed it – I’M NOT INTERESTED.
The past years of not being involved in organized religion have served a purpose in a way of un-doing a lot of my expectations. The trappings that surrounded my faith in God have lost their importance. Things like going to church EVERY Sunday or spending 30 minutes every day in silent prayer no longer speak to me. (Not that these are bad things – they’re just pointless if they’re not changing your life). The true essence of my Christian faith, if you take away all of the hoo-hah, is belief in Jesus. Belief that he changed things and still does. That by trusting in him he can bring me peace, contentment and even happiness – despite the shit that happens to all of us every day as we walk through life. If I believe in him and continue to practice daily believing in him (practising believing is a funny concept but one I’m learning is really important) I truly think he can do just that – which IS what I’m interested in!
DISCLAIMER: I know talking about faith, and especially Jesus, doesn’t always sit well with people. But for me right now it’s where I’m at, so it will occasionally get thrashed about on here. That’s what personal blogs are all about. I value and respect your opinions – even if they’re different to my own. The multitude of them that exist within the blogosphere is one of the things I love most about being here