Being mum, third time around. In some ways it’s so much easier. You know, been around this block before a time or two and nothing much will surprise me. But in others it’s much harder. For me the harder part relates to my worn down patience and my desperate need for me time. I’ve reached the end of my natural desire to craft, cook cupcakes and read endless stories in funny character voices. I immersed myself in that life the first two times around. I feel like I really got down on my knees and took part in their lives on their level, which was great – for them. But now I don’t seem to own the patience necessary to go there again. I honestly feel bad about that – guilty even. But what’s a mamma to do when her patience is rice paper thin.
This tale I tell today could be echoed by a billion mothers all over the planet and I tell myself it’s a natural part of the journey. But to be honest I feel guilty that my third little miss is not getting the attention and stimulation her big sisters got. On the upside she does get bucket loads of attentions from them . They come home from school over-flowing with desire to teach her things and engage her mind in new and fun activities. Maybe that’s why at four she can already write the names of every member of our family. (It certainly had nothing to do with me!) Perhaps that is nature’s way. Keeping the mamma on the boil until the siblings are ready to take over ….. or is that just the story I tell myself to so I can sleep at night?
I am sad to say I am counting the months until my little one start four-year old kinder three days a week next February. I don’t want to waste these precious few months left as a full-time stay-at-home-mum, but I feel like if I don’t get some time alone soon I’ll be the one needing a daily dose of ABC kids for my own mental development! If you’re nodding your head as you read this you’ll know that even drives in the car don’t equate to free form thinking time with a chatterbox preschooler as your sidekick. As their continual chitter-chatter interrupts pretty much every thought that makes it into your mind. Oh the joys of trying to keep track of your own train of thought!
I don’t bash myself up to much about all this. I know I’m a good mum and my girls are well cared for and adjusted. But I do recognize I’m at my limit and I’m very glad we chose not to have a bigger family. Perhaps, if we did I’d have had to make some different choices. And childcare would surely be on the agenda.
Tell me, do you think you’ve parented your younger children differently?
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for this information. Now, it really give me a lot of thoughts on what to do or what to feel for being mum third time. I just have one daughter so I still have to make two in order to feel what you feel.
Vanessa Worth recently posted..Get Rid of Nail Fungus Through Zeta Clear
Great post, Caz! Definitely on the verge of frazzled defeat today. I’ve been a stay at home mamma for 6 years and I think just now I’m reaching the end of my patience too. Unlike you, however, I’m finding me 3rd child the easiest. She goes to Kinder 2 days a week, the other days she’s home with me. But she’s easy-breezy. Very obliging and independent. My best friend, actually. Her older sisters on the otherhand are starting to drive me batty. They are in Grade One and are starting to have Opinions (how dare they!). Next year, baby girl will be off to Prep, and as much as I’ll miss her I am certainly counting down the days until I can restore the ‘Me’ in ‘Time’ xxxx
Jess WhoaMamma recently posted..Wild Orchids
Oh teenagers – that’s not happening to me
Not sure how but there just gunna skip for 13 to about 16. Do you know how I can arrange for that Lisa? I think it does have a lot to do with personalities. Both the mums and the kids. I look at you and think you’re amazing. And I love that gardening you’re doing. Such an inspirational happy project.
We have five boys! And funny enough our third put my patience to the test (and still does!)
Our youngest is the sweetest little one ever, and he gets a lot more than the others – he has all of his four brothers personalities rolled into one, and he is homeschooled ~ spending most of his time with me! I am more relaxed with our youngest compared to our olderst.
I go with the flow, and I am not over thinking everything. If I had my time over I would have waited a little while before having our first two closer together, and I would have some how found out how to have at least one girl!
But I wouldnt change my world for anything ~ except maybe to have a break from teenagers hormones!
Lisa Wood recently posted..The Secret To My Happiness
I can totally empathise. It drives me mad sometimes not being able to string a single line of thought in my head because of the little ones! We have three under three (and wanting to have more…) so it’s going to be at least another few years because I have any alone time in the day….
Thanks for your honest post.
Ronnie xo
Pink Ronnie recently posted..Two things
You are one of those people I admire so much who can do it all and keep their patience. Awesome work Ronnie
Trust me, I have a LOT to work on in terms of patience… sometimes it scares me how impatient and grumpy I get with the boys!
Ronnie xo
Pink Ronnie recently posted..The golden hour, chapter 2
Hi Caz, first time at your blog – looks great. Yep, I was nodding along the whole way. I gave my eldest more attention than my next two, because she was an only child for 10 years, and then when the two little girls came along, I was older, tired-er, and not really into playing princesses with them. But they have each other, so I think they’re pretty lucky to have a best buddy, unlike my eldest.
Rachel recently posted..What would you do differently?
Hi Rachel, thanks for visiting
It seems nature sorts it all out hey. I don’t have the patience and energy but her big sister sure do. Know I’ve put this all out there I can see that’s a great thing and something to be grateful for. I don’t have to do it all 
It’s been very different for me second time around. Poor little Cerys hasn’t had nearly enough attention as her older sister. I’ve felt bad about it from time to time but as it was my choice to have two close together I just have to get on with it!
Catherine Rodie Blagg recently posted..Funny old life
Thanks for dropping by Catherine. Yep – you are so right. And they really do cope. And probably grow to have their own special strengths because of it. Who knows were that will lead
The twinlets are only two and a half and I’m already finding myself asking if we’ve got long to go until I get my days back. Then, inevitably, the guilt takes over and I shrug off those “selfish thoughts”.
But I’m trying to stop being hard on myself because the moment I found out I was having a high risk twin pregnancy, it’s been an all consuming ride.
I would love another baby. But I think about my thinning levels of patience and I think, “Hmmmm…maybe not.”
Please don’t let me put you off Mama Grace
Some women do it all without hesitation – and do it fabulously. Just not me. But I’m also learning today that maybe it’s not such a bad thing. She’ll grow up having her own wonderful strengths because and probably be much more independent. Well to be honest she already is! More babies I say!! (For you thou not me, hehehehe)
Can’t comment as I only have one child, but as the eldest of four children with three younger brothers, I can definitely relate to wanting some time to myself!
Kim-Marie recently posted..Polyvore Trousers : Guest Post by B Being Cool
Thanks Kim Marie
I can completely relate to this. I am the eldest of 5 children and by the time my mum had my youngest brother at 38 (12 years after her first child) it was like she was just exhausted by the whole thing and he has completely been left by himself so much more than the rest of us were… the big activities and planned events have just kind of dried up. I feel bad for him in a lot of ways but at the same time its resulted in him being much more independent.
Lisa recently posted..Having a bad day
Yes, I hear what you are saying and agree Lisa. Wow – your mum sounds like a summer mum to me
I think I’m more patient with my second child (there’s a 5 year gap). I make more time to go to nursery-rhyme-time at the library with #2 and romp-n-stomp. I was so uptight with #1 I think I missed some of the fun, bonding activities.
Having said all of that, I am really looking forward to kindergarten in 2014 (that sounds FOREVER away). I also love my work days because I know that for a few hours I can concentrate without having to wipe someone’s bum or sing Bob The Builder for the 478 billionth time.
workingwomenaus recently posted..So the juggling continues
Awesome. Sounds like you really are enjoying your parenting the second time around. Love that. Shhhh – I’m sure 2014 will be hear before we know it and by then I’ll be looking back with tears wondering why I didn’t appreciate it all more
I completely get this. I only have 2 children but the first one had all my attention and the second one was just happy to be near me. She wasn’t as needy, so I didn’t give her as much. That sounds terrible. Rx
Rachel recently posted..Jamie Fraser v. Christian Grey
No it doesn’t sound terrible at all. It sounds like real life
Gosh, I’ve just started thinking about having Number Three but now I’m thinking I need to do some more thinking
Thankyou for keeping it real x
We’re all so different Renay, you may well cope for another three children before you reach my rice paper thin patience stage. Besides the world needs more cute babies
Hi Caz, you’ve managed to perfectly describe a conversation we are having right now. As a supporting (but weeknight and weekend Dad) I I’ve seen how impossible it is to devote the amount of time you want to your kids.
KevinM recently posted..Help, I’m turning in a helicopter Dad
It’s great to feel like others understand what I’m saying. Great thing about the blog world
I find this post so interesting Caz. I LOVE your honesty, I really do. It is exactly the kind of thing I like to know about Mama’s and their families. I often wonder about the third child and if it’s like the straw that breaks the camel’s back… but then so many families have four or five or six, so I guess it just comes down to the individual. My sis-in-law has three boys and she has told me before that the third tipped her over the edge a bit. She is a brilliant Mama, but I can see how three boys might do that to anyone.
Even with only two children, I can see differences in my parenting style, I honestly think it’s only natural for it to be that way.
xo
Thanks Julie
I think it is an individual thing. I have friends with 6 – and they do a brilliant job. I look to them in awe! It’s also about knowing your limits and running your own race. (How’s that for some nice clichés!! – but true). I am really going to enjoy next year – knowing I’ve go regular chunks of me time. Even thou I know part of me will miss the full time sahm thing.
Sometimes I just tell my kids (usually around 4 pm) “I need to read a book (or lie down, or something I want to do) for 10 minutes and then I’ll do…” whatever it is that they want me to do and they actually leave me alone. Then I have to make sure that the 10 minutes don’t turn into ha;f an hour or an hour, but taking short breaks like that definitely helps… But I must say I have it easy. My two aren’t particularly chatty plus they can play for hours by themselves, so if I’m desperate and need longer than 10 min – it’s available to me. Let’s see how the third one will fit in.
Tat recently posted..Stevia experiments + oat and almond cookies recipe
Oh I would seriously struggle to keep it to ten minutes!! My rule is that if I have a cup of coffee in my hand I’m not to be interrupted. I’ve learned to drink slowly
I think the key with more must be to look after yourself better. It’s really true – you have to look after yourself to look after them well. I think I missed that in many ways. You must be getting close now Tat. Hope all is going well.
Oh Caz, I hear you and I only have two! The relentless chatter, and don’t they know it if we drift off a little!? I think that you are right that the youngest has the benefit of having elder siblings to entertain and teach. I am an eldest child and my mum always says that she was delighted to send my youngest sibling off to school (I am one of three).
I think having a girl and then a boy has broken the monotony a little for me. Baby J loves to run around chasing a ball, which is something I quite enjoy doing too, Miss A was never interested.
Yes, bring on February I say. My little Miss is well ready for kinder too. As am I! x
Always so good to know I’m not alone in my thinking Lee
I do actually think about the boy/girl thing. Love my girls and wouldn’t swap em for anything – but I do notice boys are less ‘needy’ for constant attention and gravitate to outside activities. What really gets me is I know in 12 months I’ll be missing this stage – so I’d really like to appreciate it more.